sal gentile

Comedian, writer, producer. I perform at the UCB Theatre in New York. I work at Late Night with Seth Meyers, also in New York. Formerly: Up Late with Alec Baldwin, Up w/ Chris Hayes, PBS, Current TV.

UCB Theatre bio | My work for MSNBC | My work for PBS

May 11, 2011 at 12:48pm
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From The Galactic Empire Times:

CORUSCANT — Obi-Wan Kenobi,  the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic  Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight  with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.
In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord  Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents  of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally  cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion,  who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials  said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader’s own lightsaber. He  was later dumped out of an airlock.
The news touched off an extraordinary outpouring of emotion as crowds  gathered in the Senate District and outside the Imperial Palace, waving  imperial flags, cheering, shouting, laughing and chanting, “Hail to the  Emperor! Hail Lord Vader!” In the alien protection zone, crowds sang  “The Ten Thousand Year Empire.” Throughout the Sah’c district,  airspeeder drivers honked horns deep into the night.
“For over two decades, Kenobi has been the Jedi rebellion’s leader and  symbol,” the Lord of the Sith said in a statement broadcast across the  galaxy via HoloNet. “The death of Kenobi marks the most significant  achievement to date in our empire’s effort to defeat the rebel alliance.  But his death does not mark the end of our effort. There’s no doubt  that the rebellion will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must  and we will remain vigilant at home and abroad.”

Edit: I assume CollegeHumor did this, since one of the fake ads above the article links to their YouTube page.

From The Galactic Empire Times:

CORUSCANT — Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy, was killed in a firefight with Imperial forces near Alderaan, Darth Vader announced on Sunday.

In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader’s own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock.

The news touched off an extraordinary outpouring of emotion as crowds gathered in the Senate District and outside the Imperial Palace, waving imperial flags, cheering, shouting, laughing and chanting, “Hail to the Emperor! Hail Lord Vader!” In the alien protection zone, crowds sang “The Ten Thousand Year Empire.” Throughout the Sah’c district, airspeeder drivers honked horns deep into the night.

“For over two decades, Kenobi has been the Jedi rebellion’s leader and symbol,” the Lord of the Sith said in a statement broadcast across the galaxy via HoloNet. “The death of Kenobi marks the most significant achievement to date in our empire’s effort to defeat the rebel alliance. But his death does not mark the end of our effort. There’s no doubt that the rebellion will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must and we will remain vigilant at home and abroad.”

Edit: I assume CollegeHumor did this, since one of the fake ads above the article links to their YouTube page.